Conflict resolution is such an important skill, and so often I see it going completely unrecognised - people who’ve learned to engage with conflicts empathetically and effectively are just seen as “natural leaders/communicators” and people who find themselves making conflicts worse rather than resolving them have no idea what they could have done differently.
The idea of compassionate curiosity and gentle, productive questioning shared here is something I’ve found extremely useful in the past - but the idea of triangulation, where two people try to involve another in a dispute is not something I’ve come across before!
It seems like a very helpful framework for analysing a very common situation, and I can certainly see shades of my own experiences in the excellent examples given. Being aware of what we can do when put at the point of the of the triangle, without trying to just minimise or dismiss the conflict as I know I’ve done before, seems as though it could be extremely beneficial to anyone facing a dispute.
thanks for this! very interesting to reflect on different conflicts i lived through while reading your articles. the most recent one was one where me and a friend were triangulated and we did escalate the conflict i think - in the « rescuer » mode. as a result of this conflict the space, a very small chronically ill online community, has totally died out. a lot of people i’d been evolving with for years did things that shocked me, like leaving the space very quickly claiming being in conflict was too draining.
I don’t know how you do it, but your words always feel like someone holding my hand and whispering, “It’s okay to feel everything.” I didn’t know I needed that until you gave it to me.
Incredibly grateful for your insights and pouring your intellect/body/heart into all of our collective liberation. This approach asks us to be honest with ourselves, first and foremost. Such important meta-work to choosing love <3
I love how you pull from so many different areas of your experience, training and tools from other contexts.
What a thoughtful and valuable piece!
Conflict resolution is such an important skill, and so often I see it going completely unrecognised - people who’ve learned to engage with conflicts empathetically and effectively are just seen as “natural leaders/communicators” and people who find themselves making conflicts worse rather than resolving them have no idea what they could have done differently.
The idea of compassionate curiosity and gentle, productive questioning shared here is something I’ve found extremely useful in the past - but the idea of triangulation, where two people try to involve another in a dispute is not something I’ve come across before!
It seems like a very helpful framework for analysing a very common situation, and I can certainly see shades of my own experiences in the excellent examples given. Being aware of what we can do when put at the point of the of the triangle, without trying to just minimise or dismiss the conflict as I know I’ve done before, seems as though it could be extremely beneficial to anyone facing a dispute.
I love you quoting Margaret Killjoy! I love the areas where you two are doing similar work.
thanks for this! very interesting to reflect on different conflicts i lived through while reading your articles. the most recent one was one where me and a friend were triangulated and we did escalate the conflict i think - in the « rescuer » mode. as a result of this conflict the space, a very small chronically ill online community, has totally died out. a lot of people i’d been evolving with for years did things that shocked me, like leaving the space very quickly claiming being in conflict was too draining.
looking forward to keeping on reading your work.
this was truly so inspiring and eye opening!!
I don’t know how you do it, but your words always feel like someone holding my hand and whispering, “It’s okay to feel everything.” I didn’t know I needed that until you gave it to me.
Incredibly grateful for your insights and pouring your intellect/body/heart into all of our collective liberation. This approach asks us to be honest with ourselves, first and foremost. Such important meta-work to choosing love <3
Very grateful for this and looking forward to more. Thank you so much. Def saving this and sharing
What if the entire idea of fighting an enemy is the fallacy that keeps us fighting amongst ourselves?