Thank you so much for writing this. It is exactly what I needed to hear. I‘ve just fallen madly in love, for the first time in years, and it’s brought up parts of me that I thought I’d healed. Turns out they were just napping in the shadow 😉 and I’ve been spending allll this energy and work trying to contain myself so I don’t spill over and ruin it all: reading books about anxious attachment, listening to podcasts, doing somatic exercises, writing emails to friends, requesting emergency therapy…. When we separate after a date and I feel a drop like I’m dying for two days, I do everything I can to not feel like that. I’m trying to heal at the greatest speed. I’m so scared I will lose everything- this love but also my hard earned balance previously attained, so painstakingly- if I let myself pour over- but really I *am* overflowing, really I *am* storming, and maybe that’s ok, maybe that’s developmentally appropriate right now!! Love is not nothing, love is not just a little thing. It’s ok for my boat to be rocked. Right? 😉
'I realized how absurd it was to try to walk through a rainstorm without getting wet – and how absurd it is that I have been trying to cultivate a version of myself who is not allowed to be or feel like myself.'
Thank you so much for writing this. I felt every word. Life is something we should be dancing in as it rains down on us, not dodging every drop. A friend of mine encapsulated it in a phrase that's been rewiring my brain lately: "Not less bad, but more good." Let it be. We have to feel our pain to be alive.
Irony I just picked up a safe girl to love off my shelf to try and distract myself from an obsessive episode of “limerence” if that’s what it is. Then I opened up your Substack to your newest and was drawn to this one …..
You are one of the most gifted writers I have ever read. Beautiful, moving, inspired. Please keep sharing. Keep posting. If you haven’t submitted this yet to the NYT or The Cut, please consider it. Many would benefit.
Thank you so much for writing this. It is exactly what I needed to hear. I‘ve just fallen madly in love, for the first time in years, and it’s brought up parts of me that I thought I’d healed. Turns out they were just napping in the shadow 😉 and I’ve been spending allll this energy and work trying to contain myself so I don’t spill over and ruin it all: reading books about anxious attachment, listening to podcasts, doing somatic exercises, writing emails to friends, requesting emergency therapy…. When we separate after a date and I feel a drop like I’m dying for two days, I do everything I can to not feel like that. I’m trying to heal at the greatest speed. I’m so scared I will lose everything- this love but also my hard earned balance previously attained, so painstakingly- if I let myself pour over- but really I *am* overflowing, really I *am* storming, and maybe that’s ok, maybe that’s developmentally appropriate right now!! Love is not nothing, love is not just a little thing. It’s ok for my boat to be rocked. Right? 😉
This is perfection. And mental health works a lot of ways, some very magical. This is important and true. Thank you.
'I realized how absurd it was to try to walk through a rainstorm without getting wet – and how absurd it is that I have been trying to cultivate a version of myself who is not allowed to be or feel like myself.'
I love this so much. Thank you. 🌂
Thank you so much for writing this. I felt every word. Life is something we should be dancing in as it rains down on us, not dodging every drop. A friend of mine encapsulated it in a phrase that's been rewiring my brain lately: "Not less bad, but more good." Let it be. We have to feel our pain to be alive.
Bam.
Beautiful, thank you xx
Irony I just picked up a safe girl to love off my shelf to try and distract myself from an obsessive episode of “limerence” if that’s what it is. Then I opened up your Substack to your newest and was drawn to this one …..
You are one of the most gifted writers I have ever read. Beautiful, moving, inspired. Please keep sharing. Keep posting. If you haven’t submitted this yet to the NYT or The Cut, please consider it. Many would benefit.
Jagged fire⚡🔥🥺💌✨